Who gets laid more, ugly guys or ugly girls?

Morning. Here’s yesterday’s column. Feel free to leave any thoughts behind.


I think it’s way easier for ugly guys to get laid, than it is for ugly girls to get laid. There I said it.

Seriously, I really believe this. Stick a bunch of dudes in a room and the slightly porky, less attractive guy with the nice personality and the great sense of humour really does stand a chance against his hot, ripped counterparts. But put a slightly dodgy looking, but really clever, funny girl in a room amongst a bunch of gorgeous babes, and she’ll be the girl most likely selected by all the guys to be their great friend.

When it comes to guys, smart and funny can be immensely sexy. There’s just something about a guy who can have you rolling around in stitches that’s a massive turn on to a woman.

But it’s not the same on the other side of the fence. In my experience, you can be the cleverest, funniest girl in the room by far, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get more laid, it just means that you’ll be the cleverest, funniest girl in the room by far.
In the female camp, if someone says you have a great personality, it’s a bit of an insult. It means fugly – fun but ugly. But in the male camp it’s that great personality that will get you laid every night and twice on Sundays.
Let’s look at this a little closer – famous ugly male comedians, like Seth Rogan – somehow oddly attractive! Famous ugly female comediennes, like Kathy Griffin – just funny!
Money on men is sexy too. Do you really think Donald Trump, Bill Gates, The Heff, and Woody Allen would be with the women (plural) they’re with if they didn’t have more money than God. No way.

Another reason that uglier guys often get half a shot is because girls like to take on a project now and then. Even though guys are well-known as the DIY specialists in our species, this isn’t solely their department. A girl sees a dorky guy, in bad clothes, with bad hair, who laughs too loudly and sweats too much – and as long as he’s got good foundations under there somewhere for her to work with, she thinks she can probably ‘fix him’. And she usually can. A bit of a scrub, some decent clothes, the right deodorant, contact lenses, a haircut and a close shave and Sim-sala-bim, nobody will even recognise him.

But you never see guys taking on projects like that. Guys don’t think to themselves, she’s got a great personality, so, so what if she’s got small boobs, bad skin and a big mouth and I’m not so crazy about her fashion sense? It’s nothing a Wonderbra, some makeup, a roll of duct tape and a bit of Country Road can’t fix. Instead they think, next! And keep on looking.
Guys just get away with so much more. Take male porn stars. You have to wonder where they cast some of these guys, Uncle Bert’s Big and Hairy Shop?

Have you ever seen Ron Jeremy? He’s The Porn Star King of the Universe. He’s about 5’6’ tall and 5’3 wide. He’s got long greasy hair, a moustache and he’s extraordinarily hirsute in the strangest of places. I can never understand why people pay exorbitant sums of money to film him having sex? One look at him and you would assume it was the other way around. We simply hold ourselves to different standards, I’m sure of it. Ugly guys definitely have it way easier than ugly girls. Particularly ugly, smart, rich, funny guys.

Are there any men out there who wouldn’t want to come back in another life as the next Will Ferrell, Donald Trump or Hugh Heffner? I think they’d all be keen. But you don’t see anyone lining up to come back as the next Rosie O Donnell, do you?


7 responses to “Who gets laid more, ugly guys or ugly girls?”

  1. These offered without pride or prejudice

    1. If a man is ugly and poor, he might as well cut off his penis (Inspirational Postcards Inc., Sydney, 1998)

    2. Infatuated blonde, “I was immediately attracted by the stretch marks on his wallet”

    3. It is usually a girl’s geography that determines her history.

    4. It has been said that “Inside every fat girl is a thin girl trying to get out”,
    but verily I say unto you that “Outside every thin girl is a fat guy trying to get in”.

  2. Some more classical takes on this age old topic, from some old timers:

    Cyril Connolly, “In the battle of the sexes, thoughtlessness is the weapon of the male, vindictiveness of the female.”

    George Nathan, “Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, on a sense of humour.”

    Oscar Wilde, “Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humour in a woman.”

  3. I cant tell if I’m ugly or not. I think thats the main thing about most guys. they cant tell if they’re epicly sexy or not so they like to assume their good looking, which makes us more out going. and i don’t think this article can be completely true. Everyone is hot in their own way. Know one could walk around town all day with out having at least one person saying to them selves “I’d tap that”. Everyones into different physical things. I myself have a thing for nerdy looking women. As long as their not going to suffocate me with neck fat when we hug or have the breast shelves of the stomach tire below everyones in for a change.

  4. i am definetly NOT an ugly guy. i was approached by 2 female modeling scouts when i was in florida in 2002. and ive always gotten compliments on my handsomeness. im not trying to sound snobby, im just stateing the truth and i DO know that i am not ugly. now that ive said that, i do not have a way with women unfortunatly. ive tried many times but as an so-called “attractive” guy, i can tell you that looks dont mean a thing. well, they may mean a bit but for women, it seems thats only half of the whole thing. they want someone who is “in”, hip, cool, “today”, whatever. basically, they want an asshole. i was born and raised a Christian and so i do not meet up with the “asshole” standards. i dont go to bars and clubs. i dont have a bajillion so-called “friends” on facebook. i am not me popular. i am a “nice guy”. and though they do say nice guys finish last, i do know that one day the girl of my dreams with find me and ill find her. it WILL happen, and it wont be just to “get laid”, like the topic says here. it will be for love and forever. not all attractive guys have it easy, especially if you have higher standards for women and dont want to settle for less.

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