Morning. Here’s yesterday’s column. Feel free to leave any thoughts behind.
A MILLION MILES FROM NORMAL – By Paige Nick UGLY GIRLS vs UGLY GUYS
I think it’s way easier for ugly guys to get laid, than it is for ugly girls to get laid. There I said it.
Seriously, I really believe this. Stick a bunch of dudes in a room and the slightly porky, less attractive guy with the nice personality and the great sense of humour really does stand a chance against his hot, ripped counterparts. But put a slightly dodgy looking, but really clever, funny girl in a room amongst a bunch of gorgeous babes, and she’ll be the girl most likely selected by all the guys to be their great friend.
When it comes to guys, smart and funny can be immensely sexy. There’s just something about a guy who can have you rolling around in stitches that’s a massive turn on to a woman.
But it’s not the same on the other side of the fence. In my experience, you can be the cleverest, funniest girl in the room by far, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get more laid, it just means that you’ll be the cleverest, funniest girl in the room by far. In the female camp, if someone says you have a great personality, it’s a bit of an insult. It means fugly – fun but ugly. But in the male camp it’s that great personality that will get you laid every night and twice on Sundays. Let’s look at this a little closer – famous ugly male comedians, like Seth Rogan – somehow oddly attractive! Famous ugly female comediennes, like Kathy Griffin – just funny! Money on men is sexy too. Do you really think Donald Trump, Bill Gates, The Heff, and Woody Allen would be with the women (plural) they’re with if they didn’t have more money than God. No way.
Another reason that uglier guys often get half a shot is because girls like to take on a project now and then. Even though guys are well-known as the DIY specialists in our species, this isn’t solely their department. A girl sees a dorky guy, in bad clothes, with bad hair, who laughs too loudly and sweats too much – and as long as he’s got good foundations under there somewhere for her to work with, she thinks she can probably ‘fix him’. And she usually can. A bit of a scrub, some decent clothes, the right deodorant, contact lenses, a haircut and a close shave and Sim-sala-bim, nobody will even recognise him.
But you never see guys taking on projects like that. Guys don’t think to themselves, she’s got a great personality, so, so what if she’s got small boobs, bad skin and a big mouth and I’m not so crazy about her fashion sense? It’s nothing a Wonderbra, some makeup, a roll of duct tape and a bit of Country Road can’t fix. Instead they think, next! And keep on looking. Guys just get away with so much more. Take male porn stars. You have to wonder where they cast some of these guys, Uncle Bert’s Big and Hairy Shop?
Have you ever seen Ron Jeremy? He’s The Porn Star King of the Universe. He’s about 5’6’ tall and 5’3 wide. He’s got long greasy hair, a moustache and he’s extraordinarily hirsute in the strangest of places. I can never understand why people pay exorbitant sums of money to film him having sex? One look at him and you would assume it was the other way around. We simply hold ourselves to different standards, I’m sure of it. Ugly guys definitely have it way easier than ugly girls. Particularly ugly, smart, rich, funny guys.
Are there any men out there who wouldn’t want to come back in another life as the next Will Ferrell, Donald Trump or Hugh Heffner? I think they’d all be keen. But you don’t see anyone lining up to come back as the next Rosie O Donnell, do you?