Man I’m an idiot. You’d think I would have learnt by now. But no. ‘You silly girl!’ as my mother would say.
Now I know the rules in such a situation. In fact the rules and guidelines when it comes to The Book Lounge are very clear. They have been specified and noted in triplicate, and I even signed them, initialling each page, and sent them back to myself by registered post.
Rule number one – Do not look at the books!
You are too weak, you know this. You are unable to just look at the books at The Book Lounge, without buying them.
And now look, your handbag is full of new books! Two of them, in fact.
Pretty Monsters by Kelly Link (Tales to keep you up all night) *shivers*:
and ‘Valeria’s Last Stand’:
I know, I know, Valeria’s Last Stand was on sale, for just forty nine ronds, but still that’s no excuse. As your granny used to say, you still have to pay for a bargain!
And I know the back cover of ‘Pretty Monsters’ says that it contains:
– ‘Ghosts of girlfriends past’
– ‘A scrabble-loving grandma’
– ‘An undead babysitter’
– ‘Possibly carnivorous sofas’
– ‘Duelling librarians’
And the piece de resistance:
– ‘A handbag with a village in it’
But still. Come on! It’s not like you’re short of books or anything. If the pile of unread books next to your bed had to come crashing down one night while you slept, you would be trapped, like a Chilean Miner. It would take them months to dig you out of there.
But still you buy more books. What is wrong with you? You know the rules when you go to The Book Lounge, we’ve been over this before. Look straight ahead, or eyes to the ground. And if someone speaks to you, then you respond, looking directly into their eyes. NO BROWSING! Remember, that was the deal we made when our last credit card statement arrived.
And now what’s this, you got a list too! Hurriedly scribbled on your till slip on the way out the door, of other books you plan on buying next time you are there or in the vicinity of there:
Eleven, by Mark Watson:
And Four Drunk Beauties, by Alex Smith: