what the hell is naugahyde anyway?

my very good friend and uber talented lady, ‘the design goddess’ and i often trade stories about the online dating website. where she too has been exposed to some of the freaks and lunatics hanging around out there waiting for us to click on them.

since we surf similar circles, we’ve been known to give each other a dating site heads up. like: don’t date him, his penis is smaller than a small thing on a small day. or don’t date him he will bring his friend ‘frank’ with on the date and make you pay for both of them. or don’t date him, his breath smells like gasoline.

so when she sent me a profile and insisted i drop everything and take a look, i did, and i wasn’t disappointed.

meet someone i think we’ll call ‘crazyguy’ – because he’s a guy and he’s crazy.

yup, no wait, there’s more:

(if the cut and pasted bit below is too small i’ve transcribed it in purple.)

“The best date I ever had was involving a monkey and 60 yards of naugahyde. The most unusual place I’ve ever made love was on the dinner table during new year’s day lunch with everyone watching. I am into people, animals, furniture, pretty much anything else with a hole in it.”

and then he gets so excited, he goes into ALL CAPS:

and this is what he’s looking for in a partner:

ok, i’ve got to go, i need to call up ‘the design goddess’ and ask her if she’s going to mail him. if she doesn’t want him i’ve got next dibbs.


5 responses to “what the hell is naugahyde anyway?”

  1. Steve Hayes says:

    Everyone knows that naugahyde is what countless naugas gave their all for. Be grateful!

  2. DesignGoddess says:

    YOU CAN HAVE HIM

  3. Nicole says:

    I’m SO watching this space … Can’t wait to find out what’s the tipping point that sends the naugahyde monkey man into the bottomless pit of offensive internetweb freakdom 😉

  4. Paige says:

    steve hayes, that’s amazing. i thought you were joking, but i went to wiki and read up all about it and it’s true.

    i went all these years never knowing about naugahyde. see, as my old friend wallace always used to say: every day is a school day!

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