it’s time for another dose of genius from the clever mr ambrose bierce. he wrote the devil’s dictionary back in 1875. they didn’t even have tv then. i wonder how he knew where to put the couch?
anyway. his definitions are fabulous. here’s a selection from H:
Hand, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody’s pocket.
Handkerchief, n. A small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals to conceal the lack of tears.
Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Harangue, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.
Hash, x. There is no definition for this word – nobody knows what hash is.
Hatchet, n. A young axe, known among amon Indians as a Thomashawk.
Hebrew, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.
Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half.
Hers, pron. His.
History, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
thanks ambrose. love ya.
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