ok, enough with the ‘c’ words.
for those of you who’ve been smoking pot in the toilets and missed the last couple of devil’s dictionary posts, these old posts will tell you that ambrose bierce was around in the 1800’s, where, judging by his sexy moustache and his dirty sense of humour, when he wasn’t compiling his ‘devil’s dictionary’, i bet he was screwing tons of wenches, and partying pretty hard.
did they have cocaine or marijuana in the 1800’s? anyone? anyone?
so, let’s get on with it, D is for: (the purple type is transcribed directly from his text)
Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor’s wife or daughter.
Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed.
Dentist, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however is a most useful work.
Die, n. The singular of ‘dice’. We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, “Never say die.”
Distance, n. The only thing the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.
Distress, n. A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
oh ambrose, ambrose, ambrose, you crack me up.