We’ve probably over-complicated
things. There’s the anniversary of your first date. Oh wait, what about the
first time you both swiped right, does that count? The anniversary of your
engagement, your wedding anniversary. Later your divorce-aversary.
Some couples pick inventive dates,
like the twelfth of the twelfth or May the Fourth be with you, or the day of
the Rugby World Cup Final. But I’ve always suspected that’s just a sly woman’s
way of making it easier for the guy to remember.
How do Polygamists manage? Keep an
extensive list of anniversaries and birthdays, like those murder walls that
detectives and crime writers create when they’re on a complicated case? Then
swap nights with sister wives on special occasions? Have enough wives, and that
could really throw out the schedule.
My ex and I used to count off the
months when we remembered, add them up in one long tally. I think it was mostly
because we were both so surprised that we’d made it another month. The guy I’m
with now and I don’t keep score. We may have met somewhere around the end of
September or was it August? I could go
back in our WhatsApp timeline and find a date, marking these things is probably
important. But then what? One of us would just forget it. Or we’d fall into the
gift trap. You buy him a plastic chicken, because of that time you… oh you had
to be there. And he buys you a piece of jewelry. Awkward! Then what are we
doing next year, gag gifts or the real thing? Or he buys you an ugly dolphin
jumping over seaweed trinket and you pretend to like it for the next ten years,
or until you accidentally murder him with it.
I have a sexist view on
Anniversaries, I don’t think most guys are all that interested in them.
And to my mind, modern technology has taken the romance out of them anyway. You
don’t have to remember them by yourself anymore, just add a new event in your
diary, and put in a reminder for a month before, to give plenty of time to plan
something nice. But for my money, if you aren’t racing around the 24-hour Engen
Woolies garage in your pajamas, trying to cobble together a last-minute gift, after
the day’s date suddenly dawned on you while you were brushing your teeth at ten
to twelve the night before, then are you even a romantic?
HE SAID – By Jason Mykl Snyman
you remember what day today is?”
simple question, but it’s the fastest way to strike fear into your husband’s
heart. Ask him now, I’ll wait. Watch him pale. Look at those eyes, glimmering
with panic. Has he forgotten something? He doesn’t know. He isn’t sure. He
didn’t get the Facebook notification.
are usually terrible at remembering anniversaries – this has been a joke staple
in the comedy circuit since the dawn of civilization – but that doesn’t mean
that we don’t care. Men and women just speak different languages of love, and
we show our love in different ways.
men may be into grand gestures of romance and others not so much. I,
personally, lean toward the not-so-much, and I struggle with special dates. I
think that the idea of commemorating anything, year after year, is generally
forget birthdays, I give the holidays a skip, and I have to be reminded about
anniversaries. I reply to emails a week late, I’ve had the same 37 tabs open in
my browser for about 5 months now (reminder, I should take myself out for drinks
to commemorate this), and I’m not entirely confident of what day of the week it
is. This is who I am.
caring about anniversaries, however, and not caring about your partner, are two
completely different things. I, like most men, only care about anniversaries
because I care about the woman that I’m with. These special days, though
completely pointless to me, might be important to her, and I don’t want to let
her down or hurt her feelings. So, I set reminders. So many, many reminders.
man will forget his own mother’s birthday (as if to prove my point, I just had
a mild anxiety-attack and had to check if I’d missed my mother’s birthday. I
haven’t, it’s a month and five days from now), but he’ll be able to tell you
the exact score and team line-up of a football match that took place 15 years
all unconsciously rank events and dates by importance, and what’s important to
one person may be completely trivial to another.
forgot your anniversary? He’s sorry about that, and he’ll make it up to you.