Separating the men from the boys.

This is a piece that appeared in the latest issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine.

It’s a great issue, if you haven’t picked it up yet, it’s packed full of stuff. I particularly enjoyed the article on ‘How to Read his Orgasm Face’ – on page 64. Too funny.

The text version below is unedited by the mag, so there are a couple of added extras. Hope you enjoy.

UPFRONT WOMAN – By Paige Nick
SEPARATING THE MEN FROM THE BOYS

There once was this guy. We met in a bar. After going on a series of increasingly enjoyable dates we made our way back to his place late one night. It was a lovely apartment in Sea Point. We sat in the lounge and drank a couple of expensive whiskeys from his impressively well-stocked bar, and then we retired to his tidy and tastefully furnished bedroom. I was impressed and smitten. Until the next morning when I slipped out of bed while he was still sleeping and tip-toed in my underwear to the bathroom, right past the kitchen, where his mother, step-father and fourteen year old sister were having breakfast. I guess the fact that he still lived with his mother was the tiny detail he forgot to mention. I really only have myself to blame, I should have guessed the second he poured our drinks and led me through the lounge. What 25 year old guy uses coasters!

For the observant woman who knows what to look for, the way a guy lives can really speak volumes about him.

Who he lives with:

Let’s start with an obvious one. Any male over the age of 25 who still lives with his mother is definitely still a boy. And if he’s over 35 and still living with his mother then that ramps him up from mere boy status, to pathetic boy status.

A guy who has roommates can go either way. If he lives with sixteen friends and five bongs in a house with only three bedrooms, we’re definitely talking boy. But find two or three professional guys just starting out, sharing a nice spot in a good neighbourhood and it’s safe to say that if they aren’t men yet, they’re definitely well on their way.

The wallet:

Any dude who keeps his money in anything that closes with velcro can only ever be considered a boy.

The kitchen:

Visiting your guy’s kitchen is one of the quickest and easiest ways to decide what you’re dealing with. Open the very first cupboard you can reach and if it’s filled with two minute noodles, he’s a boy.

If he owns a grater, a sieve, a garlic crusher or more than three different kinds of spices, then he’s a man (salt and pepper don’t count).

A collection of mismatched beer and shot glasses from every bar in town means he’s a boy. While matching plates, glasses and cutlery mean he’s a man, for sure. Potentially even a divorced man. Check out the crockery, if there’s any kind of floral pattern on any of his dishes there might be something he’s not telling you.

If you manage to check in the fridge that can be pretty telling too. Nothing in there but beer, butter and tomato sauce and you’ve got a boy on your hands. Not to be confused with a guy who has nothing but beer, butter and olives – he’s a man, guaranteed.

The bed:

This is a slightly trickier area. Only because if you’re in the bedroom and on the bed, chances are you’re already kissing. And if that’s the case it’s almost impossible to stay focussed and pay attention to the details.

But if you can stop bumping tonsils for just a minute, check out his bed. If he’s just got a mattress on the floor, or a sleeping bag for a blanket, then run, run for your life, he’s a boy, even worse, maybe even a boy scout.

If he has a futon then he’s a boy sneakily trying to disguise himself as a man.

And if his bed is covered in stuffed toys or dolls, then you’ve unknowingly entered the lair of a serial killer and it’s too late for you anyway.

How he stores his clothes:

If at this stage your internal jury is still out, just check how he stores his clothes. If they’re scattered all over the floor, or if he has a clothing rail there’s no doubt about it, your guy is a boy.

Anything vaguely resembling a cupboard and you’ve found yourself a man. And spot more than five hangers inside the cupboard with clothes actually on them, then you’ve found something very rare; a gentleman.

So there you have it ladies, a basic guide to separating the men from the boys and the freaks from the lunatics. Because home may be where the heart is, but if it’s also where your future mother-in-law is, you’ve got problems.

let me know if you have any to add to the list.



I didn’t even start on his bathroom, and what about the dvd collection? So telling.