roundup of the loerie awards 2009 – 2nd night

it’s 3:39am and i just got home from the second night of loerie debauchery.

i’ll see what i can do here by way of a roundup, but i warn you, it’s been a long weekend, and i might be a little worse for wear pissed.

– john vlismas hosted. he was waaaay funnier than both mark lottering and umm the lady in the dress with her tits almost falling out, last night. i forget her name. if her tits had fallen out guaranteed i’d have remembered her name and surname.

– helen zille made a short speech.

– show started with goldfish. they rock with awesomeness, although it did feel like they played just the one song over and over again all night. still a good song though. ‘miss rose’ said she isn’t mad about them cos they don’t have lyrics, but i think naaaa na na na na na naaaa na na, naaa na na naaa na na naaa, repeat, are fabulous lyrics. i sang them loudly all the way home in the car to prove it.

– goldfish also played at the afterparty in long street. seriously good.

– young team sat behind us tonight. ‘pirate’ the designer and adonis the writer. i hauled out a couple of those tiny bottles of johnnie walker black label, to help make it through the ceremony. ‘the critic’ promptly downed hers in one gulp.

the pirate:(shouts over music at the critic) are you a stewardess or something?
the critic:(shouts back) chicken or fish?

– the invisible voice over presenting the awards tonight as part of the audio visual show was Percy Montgomery. odd choice i thought. (i mean, don’t get me wrong, i’m a huge fan. i once even fell into his lap in a movie (fight club) by accident, but that’s another story for another blog.) when you think of old monty, the first thing you think of isn’t really his smooth, clear, strong voice over capabilities.

– ‘art director from another agency’ spent 20 minutes telling me how much he liked my new ad. do you think maybe he forgot that he spent 30 minutes last night telling me why he thought it was crap? he was definitely more drunk last night, so which critique should i believe? the drunk, slurry honest one or this evening’s more controlled version?

– fox p2 cleaned up big time. great to see a small cape town agency rocking it.

– ogilvy ct and jhb also owned that stage, although somehow i think we ended up sitting in their seats by mistake, so some of their team had to sit on the steps. oops. sorry. chris gotz remains nice though, so i’m sure he’ll forgive us.

– six entirely different people asked me if i had any coke for them. (what do i look like over here? a fricking nigerian drug lord?) dude, you know you’re coming to the loeries, you know you’re gonna want to party, buy your own drugs!

– one person showed me a bag of mushrooms he picked up on camps bay beach. #lucky find. or #unlucky loss. depending which side of this story you land on.

– bumped into a guy named roland. when i first started out in advertising almost 16 years ago, he was our driver at hunts cape town. now he’s one of their account managers. he was an amazing guy then and he’s an amazing guy now. nice one.

sanjiv and his partner ‘the boy who i thought might vomit on me last night’ won a gold. good job lovely boys. if you don’t both get lucky tonight you should be ashamed of yourselves.

– snaps of various different conversations overheard at various stages throughout the night:

“oi, i had to lick some chick’s limo to get these tickets, you coming or not?”

“he’s not gay, he’s just neurotic.”

– um, what else. no grand prix for tv/cinema.

– the bp work was my favourite, well done ogilvy joburg. i’m happy you got a gold, thought it could have made a nice grand prix. sorry.

– felt sad for carl willoughby that he couldn’t be there to pick up all his metal. but we all knew you rocked a long time ago, carl. we didn’t need to see it to believe it.

– wicked pixels had a remote-control blimp.

– and so we went on to the after parties. a big heaving debauched mess of a mass, really. but still fun.

– hot gay art director guy told me some very dirty dating stories.

– and so it was an exceptionally good party. in fact i might still be there now, except when i looked around the dance floor and watched some guy dancing as if he was trying to pick an imaginary crate up off the floor over and over again, i realised it might be time to go home.

and anyway, my feet hurt.

– i wasn’t the only one. walking to my car i had to wade my way through dozens of stumbling boys and hobbling girls who are going to have some very dry mouths or some very serious regrets in a couple of hours.

– eg: to the girl in the very very wobbly high heels, and the very very short skirt, you might regret one of three things in the morning. a) that you didn’t wear any panties b) that you drank all that tequilla and c) that you didn’t pick more sober friends to help walk you safely out of the after party.

and so endeth the 2009 loerie awards.

– i’m finding it ironic that the loerie weekend, possibly one of the most decadent events of the year, is so closely followed by yom kippur, the jewish holiday that focusses on fasting and repenting for your sins. it comes not a second too soon, i suspect.



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