so let’s you and me chat a little more about online dating, shall we? i was just having a little after-dinner online-dating-site browse. Now I don’t want to give you the impression that all the guys on this site are freaks and lunatics, because they really aren’t. there are a lot of very handsome, well adjusted, mentally stable and gainfully employed guys trawling the site. but they’re really no fun to write about, so i’m going to stick with the freaks and lunatics for now.
so if you’re slightly squeamish or considering trying online dating yourself, than maybe stop here. but if you’re the kind of person who slows down a little when they drive past an accident, then keep on reading.
i will change his name to protect his identity, mainly because i can’t afford the legal fees. so let’s just call him JOHN DOE. JOHN DOE, bless him, just tried strike up a conversation with me online.
now at first glance there’s nothing odd about JOHN DOE. he’s a regular 41 year old man, who has a steady job, doesn’t smoke and only drinks occasionally. quite nice so far. but then I moved onto his narrative.
why should you get to know JOHN DOE: (and i quote here, for the sake of accuracy)
“I am on this site because I would love to make new friends, and just enjoy company together, if roman’s blossoms? that will be a bonus…”
roman’s? i picture a guy in a tunic, with a shield and a sword on our first date.
he then goes on to describe his ideal match as follows:
“A smart man once said to me; If you want something perfect? Get a Porch”
(sorry to butt in again here, but i think he means porsche.)
“I believe in physical attraction, that’s why men buy sport cars, lucky we don’t all like the same tipe of sport cars. that doesn’t mean you have to be a sports model, I’m happy with a Chevy, Toyota or Ford as well, as long as it has a soft nature, nice and clean INSIDE, no visual damage on the outside, and a service history, soft seats, and nice music playing.”
is this guy mad? is he clinically insane? when did it become ok to compare women to cars? does he imagine that we’ll all like it so much we’ll fall at his feet begging him to take us on a date, maybe to a drive-in, since we like cars so much.
that being said, i can’t help thinking that i probably used to be a sports car, but these days i’m a little more like a four-seater sedan.