I’m posting Sunday’s column, which means this must be a Monday. *tries to crawl back to bed, unsuccessfully*
A MILLION MILES FROM NORMAL – By Paige Nick
QUESTIONS THAT START WITH; SOOOOO?
I just bumped into a friend I haven’t seen for ages. We chatted, the usual pleasantries. Eventually it rolled around to that inevitable place of all conversations:
ME: Soooo are you still seeing that guy?
HER: Yes I am.
ME: Wow that’s fantastic. You’ve been together for a while now, haven’t you? Two years, right?
HER: Three actually.
ME: He seems really nice. *Pause*
HER: And the answer to your next question is no, we’re not getting engaged yet.
ME: *Falling all over myself* No I wasn’t going to ask that, really I wasn’t.
Although in actual fact I kind of was. Which is ridiculous because I absolutely hate it when people do that to me, and there I was doing it myself.
It’s not my fault, I’m blaming the human condition for this one. For some reason we just like things neat and tidy. We may not even be aware of it, but there’s a specific order to life, that subconsciously gives us some form of comfort. And whether we like to admit it or not, if people don’t follow that preordained order, it can make our heads explode a little.
For example, when people find out that I’m in my mid-thirties, still single and don’t have any children or any intentions to have any, it really seems to bother them. In fact if I had ten Rand for every person who has told me they are going to pray for me to find a husband and have babies, I’d have enough cash to pay for my own Lobola and a year’s supply of nappies.
Usually I tell them not to waste a good prayer on me, Somalia and Sarah Palin need it way more than I do.
I recently heard some great news, a wonderful couple I know who have been together for some years, just announced their engagement. I’m willing to bet every Hail Mary I’ve ever received that even though they really are the most perfect soul mates who were always meant to be together, I’m sure one of the reasons they finally decided to call it, is so that people would just stop flipping asking them already.
But unfortunately they’ve fallen into a classic trap, because this is only just the beginning. What none of us realise is that it’s just never quite enough.
When you’re single, everyone wants to know when you’re going to meet someone.
Then when you meet someone, everyone wants to know when you’re getting engaged. Then it’s when are you setting a date? Then at the wedding everyone is already wondering how long till you have a baby. And after baby number one gets squeezed out, then when is baby number two coming? Come on, buck up, get a move on, we’ve got a schedule to keep here, people!
These questions usually come after a very prolonged ‘soooooo’ containing way more ‘oh’s’ than is ever necessary. That’s how you know the question is coming. Sooooo, how’s your sex life? Soooo, who are you dating now? Sooo when are you getting engaged? And on, and on.
Just last year at the launch of my latest novel, This Way Up, at least five people asked me; Soooo, what are you working on? When is the next one coming out? Jeez people! You haven’t even read this one yet, what’s the rush?
The same friend from paragraph one, who caught me out about to ask the dreaded question, tells me it all finally reached a head when she was at a wedding with her boyfriend recently and an elderly couple at their table went in with their Soooo. ‘Soooo, are we going to see you at your wedding next?’ They asked.
‘No,’ my friend said, spurred on by a bottle and a half of JC Le Roux, ‘Are we going to see you at your funeral next?’
We’re all hoping they were a little on the deaf side and they didn’t quite catch what she said.
Aaah! Don’t even get me started on people constantly harrassing me and my boyfriend about marriage. It’s got to the point where I’m just telling people to back the hell off! I really don’t want my first thought when it actually happens to be ‘fabulous, now everyone can finally shut the f&#k up!’…. kinda kills to romance of an intensely private thing doesn’t it?!
Just like facebook, bringing you into contact with people you were grateful you never saw anymore :/ and all the stupid things you say to such people 😉 … like Sooooooooo …
Lol, least you CAN crawl back into bed, i still gotta crawl through 30km of traffic 😉
peace sunshine!!
Oh I REALLY hate those questions. I’m like you.. in absolutely no rush to commit, get married or pop babies. One day, maybe, but just shut it with all the questions already! How I run my life has nothing to do with a timeline or anyone else for that matter. Am I right?
Hahahaha! Anyway, I usually just ignore it. It gets long winder and boring when I have to explain myself over and over again. So sometimes I drop a snide remark and they back off.