It's a gap at the price, I'll take two.

Happy monday. Here’s yesterday’s Sunday Times column:

A MILLION MILES FROM NORMAL – By Paige Nick
FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS GET ENEMAS

There seems to be a new rage sweeping the land right now. I’m talking about these group deal thingies. A bunch of different companies have sprung up all over the show. Groupon, Zapon, Shopon, Strapon. Some of the deals are actually pretty amazing. I haven’t gone as far as to buy anything myself, yet, but I’ve been known to browse. From what I can gather you sign up and then they deliver whatever special offer on random products and services is so hot right now, directly into your inbox.

I’m a huge fan of the ‘big deal’, and I definitely have ‘it’s a steal at the price, buy two’ syndrome. Who doesn’t? Particularly in this day and age, when times are a little on the tighter side. But somehow my sense is that we might be taking all of this a little too far. Something we, the human race, have been known to do on occasion.

Historically I wouldn’t normally find the need to have four suits dry cleaned for 40% off the usual price, not being the kind of girl who wears suits all that often. But that was one of the deals that caught my eye recently. 40% off is a lot off. I even checked in my closet on the off chance that there were any suits that needed dry cleaning in there, but I don’t think denim counts as ‘a suit’.

We might be getting a little scissor happy, or coupon happy over here. Just because you’re offered 60% off battery acid, doesn’t mean you should buy it, unless of course battery acid is something you find on your shopping list on a regular basis, then bonus for you.

One friend of mine took advantage of a great deal on ‘live blood analysis. Another bought liposuction. She really doesn’t need it, she’s got an ass of steel, but at 68% off it was too good a deal to turn down. Ironically, the liposuction deal was right next to a ‘two pizzas for the price of one’ deal. Perhaps if she bought the one she might need the other.

Just buying something because it’s on sale is an attractive but slippery slope. As my Granny always used to say, you still have to pay for a good deal.

Another deal I came across was for 55% off a colonic hydrotherapy session at a Spa. For those of you who have never had the pleasure, a colonic hydrotherapy session is fancy-speak for an enema. 55% percent, that’s over half off! I’ve never had one myself, but at over half off, I can see the attraction.

However the real craziness came in a little lower down in that email, where they claimed that ‘If this particular deal isn’t for you, perhaps you’d like to give it to a friend as a gift?’ Really? An enema as a gift? I guess there is always that age old problem of what to buy that special person in your life who already has everything? Once you’ve bought them socks, a tie, a Ferrari Cap or a facial, then what do you get them? How about a pipe up the bum to evacuate all their poop? Ahhhh yes, they’ll treasure that forever! What a thoughtful gift. The only question is, how on earth do you wrap an enema?

I think while we’re on the subject, it’s important to state here for the record, that good deal or not, if a friend or family member gave me an enema for my birthday, Christmas or Rosh Hashana, that friendship would probably be over pretty soon thereafter. I know it’s the thought that counts, but perhaps next time you could think of a book voucher.



2 responses to “It's a gap at the price, I'll take two.”

  1. Deems says:

    That was hilarious! Were you perhaps hinting at your next birthday pressie there, Paige? 🙂

  2. paige says:

    yes. book vouchers. 🙂

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