it was ‘nephew6’s’ birthday on thursday, ‘nephew9’s’, sixth soccer birthday party on sunday and on wednesday it’s ‘nephew5’s’ thirteenth birthday. now stick with me, i know it’s confusing, imagine how i feel?
due to all the procreating that my mother and ‘grumpa’ did back in the 60’s and 70’s, which resulted in six of us, i now have 12 nieces and nephews between the ages of 20 and 4. thank fuck we’re jewish otherwise i’d probaby have to take a second mortgage out on my home come christmas gifting time.
it can get a little confusing keeping it all straight sometimes.
last year as part of ‘nephew5’s’ twelfth birthday ongoing party celebrations, he had a bunch of friends out for a day of sea, sand and braaiing. ‘grumpa’, the braaimaster on the day, in his ever-generous spirit took some photos, and as a birthday present for ‘nephew5’ had one of them blown up and block mounted. the gift handing over conversation went something like this:
GRUMPA: happy birthday my boy. (thump on back and handing over of gift, wrapped in reused wrapping paper and tape.) NEPHEW5: wow, thank you grumpa. (frantic unwrapping and opening – disappointed awkward silence) NEPHEW5: but grumpa, this isn’t me! (holds up beautifully blown-up and block mounted A3 portrait of some other child who was at the party, of similar height and with similar hair colour to ‘nephew5’.) GRUMPA: are you sure? NEPHEW5: um… yes grumpa, i’m positive. look this isn’t me. (holds picture up next to his own face as proof.) GRUMPA: ah, oh well. happy birthday my boy. (further back thump, return to cricket on telly.)
happy birthday nephews 6, 9 and 5. here’s to better gifts this year.
(private aside for all my siblings: the condoms are in aisle 4!)