did you hear the one about eddie izzard?

i saw eddie izzard live last night.

(eddie izzard – my favourite commedian, father of the famous ‘cake or death’ and ‘the deathstar canteen’ fame. brilliant genius man of great awesomeness.)

seeing him in the flesh was pretty much a dream come true. you know how you make a list of all the things you need to do before you die…

1. shag a guy in one of those welding masks.
2. see eddie izzard live in concert.
3. shag a guy in one of those fireman helmets.
4. repeat.

you know, the usual.

he was incredibly funny. just one brilliant, genius, hysterical joke after the other. bah bah bah bah… he shot them out. and giraffes and jam and darth vader and and and speaking latin and counting in latin (really really funny) and the thing about the appendix and grass. and jesus and cesus and desus. How does he remember it all? going on three hours of material, all stored upstairs. maybe that’s why he has such an unusually large head. (a sexy one, but a large one)

i really truly wish i had a bigger brain and i could remember everything he said.

but i can’t and as hard as i try, i won’t.

because sadly i am a one-joke kind of girl.

i can remember dozens maybe even thousands of the great ads that win at award shows every year. i remember to wash myself daily and i’m even quite good at remembering birthdays, especially if i have my diary handy.

but at any given time i can only remember just one joke at a time. right now it’s this one:

me: why do dogs do it doggie style?

you: why?

me: so they can both watch the gate.

you: wahahahahahahahaha.

soon someone will tell me another joke that i will laugh at very loudly, and then i will replace this last joke in my head with that new one. and then i will never ever again be able to remember this old doggie joke. even if a man held a gun to my temple and my life depended on it, guaranteed, i still wouldn’t be able to find this joke anywhere in my database.

some people, like eddie (when you love him as much as i do we’re on first name terms) are great joke rememberers. they can reel out dozens of jokes at any given time. the one about van der merwe, a couple about blondes with big tits, maybe one about a tortoise, something about jam. they have no problem. they set it up and then they nail it down with the punchline. every time.

me, not so much.

hey, did you hear the one about the… um… er… nope, i’ve got nothing for ya.

i love you eddie. please marry me. i don’t even mind if you wear my clothes.

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