devil's dictionary – 'F' is for thank fuck it's friday

thank you ambrose bierce for your delicious descriptions from 1842.

Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

Female, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.

Fib, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar’s nearest approach to truth.

Fiddle, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse’s tail on the entrails of a cat.

Finance, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager.

Fork, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow.

Friendship, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

Frog, n. A reptile with edible legs.

Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

ah ambrose bierce you cynical old fucker, i do love you.