dating website crisis!

oh shit i’m having a dating website crisis!

‘one-liner larry‘ will have to wait till next week, this is important:

this is what was waiting for me when i checked in to see if anyone might be interested in getting to know me, maybe go on a date, perhaps unbeknownst to themselves, get written about.

there was this guy. um 61 years old! an ex minister, recently divorced, probably a grandfather.

really? seriously? really?

imaginary conversation i had with him:

me: but i’m 35.

him: what?

me: i said, i’m only 35 years old.

him: what did you say?

me: (shouting now) turn up your fricken hearing aid, i said i’m only 35 years old, i don’t think i can date you!

him: that’s a pity, i have a two-for-one coupon for the early bird special at wimpy.

me: that is a pity, they do make good coffee.

then i kid you not, after grampa this was the other option sitting waiting for me:

a 23 year old!

is this some kind of sick joke?

what happened to all the 35 – 49 year-olds? aren’t you all supposed to be getting divorced and having midlife crises around about now? making you desperate to meet a clever, funny 35 year old (me) and take them (me) out and have lots of sex and a good time and stuff? what the hell?

if it’s some kind of karmic joke – ha ha very funny.

Mr Jesus Christ, i’m sorry i teased you on your birthday, sir, now please can i have my 35 – 49 year-olds back?