i just logged into my dating website profile and found this:
fuck. not a single look. not even a farmer from bredarsdorp, or an abattoir owner from delmas. shit. i would have taken either of those over this complete vacuum.
do you think they’re onto me? maybe the guy from klerksdorp (http://amillionmilesfromnormal.blogspot.com/2009/08/so-i-wont-be-moving-to-klerksdorp-after.html) ratted me out. he probably mailed each of the ‘1668 new members who joined or modified their profile since you were last online’ individually and told them – don’t date that chick, she’ll just write embarrassing things about you on her blog and if you’ve got a teeny winkie (unlike mine which is huge – he probably said) she will tell everyone in the internetweb world about it.
i bet that’s what happened.
you laugh (i hope) but it’s no joke, this blog is proving a serious damper on my love sex life. just a couple of weeks ago i was dating this really nice guy, he didn’t even have a third nipple or anything. we were about a month in, all going well and lovely. then he read my blog. that was the last i heard from him. true story. and i hadn’t even written about him. (yet.)
don’t blacklist me boys, please. i promise not to write about your winkies again. unless you ejaculate prematurely, or it’s unnaturally small, like a little mushroom, or unless it bends to the left like a boomerang, like that guy ‘bendy boy’, i once dated. ok wait, i cannot tell a lie, i probably will write about your winkie, but i’ll make up a fake name for you so nobody will know it’s you, promise.
(by the way, if you’re reading this, happy birthday for today ‘mr great disappearing act’.)