date week – scientific dating

we’re almost at the end of date week. although this is nowhere near the end of the dating craziness out there.

and today is scientific dating thursday.
believe it, because it’s true.

those nerds are a clever lot.

they’ve figured out that us normal, not so smart folks will believe just about anything you feed us. particularly when we’re desperate for some loving.

i don’t know about the rest of you, but my intelligence shrinks in direct proportion to how much shagging i’m doing. which is why if you get me at a particularly desperate moment i might actually believe that this could work.

this is what they say:

in fact they believe so strongly in chemistry that they take it pretty literally. these guys physically take a sample of your dna and then match you up with people who have complimentary chemistry to yours.
(the dna of an m&m)

their theory is that once you meet your perfect chemical, physiological match, then sparks/atoms/sperm will fly.

they’ve come up with the following benefits of using their product. considering they’re scientists i would have preferred a chart of some kind, or maybe a graph with some figures, but this list will have to do:

‘all other things being equal’ – what’s the bet their lawyers made them put that in?

so this is how it works:

step one:

step two:

step three:

step four:

TWO WEEKS! wow, i think that’s a long time. on CSI they have it in seconds.

step five:

when you log back in at the end of the process they will provide you with a list of your chemical dna matches and you can choose who you want to contact.

and this is how much it costs:

okay so that’s how they describe the process.
this is what i think really happens:

this guy:

or someone a lot like him, waits till you make payment of your $2000. then he sends you a couple of these: (15c)

in one of these: (5c)

you swab your cheek, put it in an envelope and send it back to him.

when he gets your sample he places it for dna sampling in this high-tech scientific machine:

then he goes onto his computer and feeds in all your da
ta from step three above – when you filled in a detailed psychological analysis – including your age, weight, location, personality traits etc. as well as those of your ideal match.

then the computer kicks up all your likely matches and he places them on your profile for you to choose from. ($5 – it doesn’t actually cost him $5. that’s for the pizza he orders and eats while the computer is working out your matches)
then he pockets the remaining $1 994.8.
and you all live happily ever after.
, ,

6 responses to “date week – scientific dating”

  1. I would so do that double helix. I have always been partial to curvey deoxyribonucleic acids.

    With my pathetic dating history, the site would hook me up with a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

    I hate Reese’s Peanut Butter cups.

  2. aw just when i was starting to think we were perfect for each other, bob… i love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

    Chocolate… peanut butter… cups… what’s not to love.

  3. I love peanut butter and I love chocolate — just not together. Altho, I haven’t tried one since I was a kid.

    If you schmear yourself with peanut butter and I schmear myself in chocolate and we then get all sloppy together — I’m willing to give it a another go. On your sheets.

    Seriously, I’ll never steal from your cache.

  4. you’ll never steal from my cache? ja right, likely story. that’s what they all say to get into my peanut butter and chocolate sheets. wait that sounded weird.

    i’m going now.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *