Crazy psycho chicks from hell.

So for the last year and a bit on this blog, I’ve written many many many posts bemoaning the sad state of affairs on the online dating website I frequent.

Married men, freaky deaky men, bad spelling men, lying men, odd men and just plain strange men, I’ve checked out all of them.

But I’ve never really talked about the women.

So I thought it was time to take a look at some of the female crazies out there, because you can be damn sure that men don’t corner the market on crazy. I only had to hop skip and click a couple of times before I found a good, sturdy batch of crazies, who can give those psycho men a good run for their money.

Truth is, the world is full of whackjobs. And 99.9% of them are on the dating website, looking for a mate.

Okay so there are also thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of solid, normal, friendly, not dangerous, legitimate girls out there looking for a date (pick me, pick me). But those ones are boring to write about. And so I bring you 5 of the crazy psycho chicks from hell that you might come across if you go online today:

(Just click on the images if they’re too small to read.)

CRAZY ONE:

(Why should you get to know her – I am a very outgoing person, love my job, love meeting new people, I have a very good sense ofhumour and love it when people make me laugh. I have a very small heart but I have lots of love to give of course to the right person. I love cats and have 5.)

She has a small heart? Really? Do you think that means that she physically has a small heart. Is that a defect? It sounds dangerous. Dude, whatever you do, don’t go bungee jumping on your first date. The shock might be too much for her tiny little heart.

CRAZY TWO:

(Why should you get to know her – I am a 38 year old female, waiting 4 a divorce. Wish to have some one spoil and pamper me, some one who enjoys nature, animals. I want some one who can help me financially I am not coping with what I am making now. And need a helping hand occasionally. I want to get out of debt and go live in the bush, in a farm anywhere but here. Tired of party animals, want a genuine decent guy, who cares.)

Can anyone spell b.a.g.g.a.g.e? I think she has the full set. And not the Louis Vuiton kind either.

More than any of the other profiles this one made me the most curious. Are there men out there who would actually answer this ad? Sheesh, if there are maybe the men are more psycho than the chicks after all.

CRAZY THREE:

She’s a bit shy? Really? Maybe if the definition of shy is ‘racist and not scared to say exactly what she thinks’.

And she already has a boyfriend. Wait, I’m confused…

CRAZY FOUR:

I know this one is similar to the sugar daddy one, but I had to show it to you, it’s just too much. If she’s not on her knees to pray every night, what’s she doi… oh I get it. Gross man!

CRAZY FIVE:

Ummmm Miss Crazy Five has a cheetah staying with her in her house. Heads up dude who wants to date this crazy lady, she says you must enjoy being outside. Cheetah’s take up a lot of room you know, especially in a bed, so that’s why you have to enjoy being outside, as some nights that might just be where you find yourself.

They’re all yours gentlemen, form an orderly queue, one at a time, no shoving.


5 responses to “Crazy psycho chicks from hell.”

  1. liquid pixel says:

    Holy crap…Boy am I glad I’m a woman and married. Just a point on that first one – if this is a South African website and the first chicklet is Afrikaans-speaking, saying she has a ‘small heart’ means the opposite of what you would think – it means that she is loving, kind, generous etc. I think…

  2. Paige says:

    Hey, that’s interesting to know, i’m sure that’s what it is. is it a direct literal translation? what’s the afrik term?

  3. DUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says:

    ha….you found my 2 ex wives and 3 ex girlfriends in one hit…..detective work par none, and i want my cheetah back _itch!

  4. liquid pixel says:

    It is indeed a literal translation. It usually goes something along the lines of “Hy/sy het so n klein hartjie” accompanied by a hand gesture indicating a size no man would want to refer to anything south of his heart…

  5. Paige says:

    Bwaahahahaha funny dummy. – blasts from the past eh?

    Liquid – every day is a school day. never heard that one before. such a strange literal translation, meaning the opposite of what it’s trying to say. how strange and wonderful. gotta love language.

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