Barking mad

Morning folks, yes it’s Monday again. Hope your week is a good one. Here’s yesterday’s column, which is dedicated to every single cat ever posted on the Internet.

Enjoy.

A MILLION MILES FROM NORMAL – By Paige Nick.

We’re about to head into the fourth week of January. Easily the most broke week of the year for most of us. Thanks a lot, December!

So last week, from the middle of this century’s version of The Great Depression, I managed to scrounge up just enough spare change from between my couch cushions to buy a newspaper (I also found an unrecognisable pill that I’m saving for next Saturday night). It was in this paper that I read about a cat in Italy named Tommasino, who just became one of the richest pets in the world.

Tommasino inherited close to ten million pounds when his owner died at the end of 2011 and left him the entire family fortune. (The grandchildren can’t be happy!) And we’re not even talking about one of those pedigreed cats, with the fancy names, like Lady Marmalade Friesian Duchess Persian Shenanigan III, with a blood-line as long as your arm, and a better family tree than Princess Margaret. This was just some scabby stray that the 94 year-old lady had taken in off the street.

I once dated a guy who was so besotted with his furries that we were never allowed to disturb a sleeping cat in his household. We had to climb into bed around them, it was like playing a round of Twister before lights out.

Perhaps with his new found wealth our fat cat should hook up with the number one richest pet in the world, a dog named Gunter IV, a German shepherd who inherited over 90 million pounds. And Blackie, a cat who inherited nine million pounds back in 1988. (In my opinion the cops should consider looking into the circumstances of these pet owner’s deaths, I’d say upwards of nine million pounds would be motive enough, even for a creature with no opposable thumbs).