a new fan.

i open my email.

‘Dear Paige, we thought you’d like to know that you have a new fan. “LookingForYou” has just added you to his Favourites on the Matchmaker site. If you’d like to check out his profile, you’ll find it on your Fans page. If you’ve each picked the other as a Favourite then you really should think about writing to each other.
Matchmaker Support Team.’

so i scurry on over to the website. look for me no further, chap, i shall come and look for you now. i download his profile.

oh for fuck’s sake.

he’s 54 years old.


what the fuck am i going to do with a 54 year old man? i don’t know. introduce him to my dad maybe so they can talk about the war or danie craven or something.

wait, hold on one second, i’ll be right back, i just want to check something quickly.

nope, he’s not even rich.

that’s exactly what i need in my life right now, a barely solvent geriatric.

i mean he’s a jolly sweet old geezer, he’s even copy and pasted the whole of a john denver song into his narrative. even worse it’s one of those songs that you can’t get out of your head for at least six hours.

i mean i don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything, i’m flattered, but what could we possibly have in common?

under ‘do you want children?’ he’s put maybe. hmmm i think that’s a pretty big maybe.

la la la…. hmmm hmmm hmmm…. some say love… la la la… oh for fuck’s sake, can’t get that stupid song out of my head.

2 responses to “a new fan.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’m 50. I’m male. But I don’t want to fuck you.
    High on the list of my favourite mountains in the world would be the one that John Denver flew into.
    More of a Jack Frost, Blind Boy Grunt fan.

    You still punctuate badly.

  2. Paige says:

    whether you want to screw me or not, at least you’ve got good taste in music.

    sorry you feel that way about my punctuation, but i think there’s a lot to be said for the ee cummings school of capitalisation. or are you referring to my blatant abuse of the comma? if so, you’re right, i do punctuate badly.

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