I get letters in response to my weekly Sunday Times Column, some weeks they say nice things, other weeks, not so much. It doesn’t matter, I love them all just as much. Even the real meany-pants ones. In fact, secretly between you and me, those are my favourites.
Like when I wrote that column about meggings two weeks ago and mentioned Afrikaans teachers, there was much mail about that. Not a word from men and ballerinas who I also mentioned, but the Afrikaans teachers were offended, and perhaps rightly so. Ek’s jammer Mevrou.
This week I got a letter from a man named Sarel Gous about Sunday’s column on there being no more fish in the sea, and I kind of dug it, so I thought I’d share it with you. It’s one South African man’s take on marriage.
So here you go, Mister Gous’ editorial debut (verbatim):
I am referring to last Sunday’s article.
I wish to make some comments (Bloody cheek)
I wish I could write like you. I can’t because I am an engineer. Furthermore I am Afrikaans. Nogal!
It always amazes me how people are hell-bent on marriage.
Marriage is in my opinion a lifelong death sentence. You search for a soul mate which normally complies with about 80% of your specification. The other 20% traits that do not comply with your specification make you unhappy but you are sure you can change this once married. The amazing thing is that your soul mate does exactly the same. Then you fall in love. Now you have two unhappy people very much in love. This does not make sense. It is further evident that as unmarried people get older the urgency to get married grows. Quite clearly your standards are suddenly lower
You may find that you will eventually have 3 buddies (or soul mates) of the opposite sex simultaneously:
• A talk buddy. This is a rare find but definitely possible. This is a special kind of buddy. You can argue for hours but never get cross with each other. The one can tell the other one that his/her hair looks shit without retaliation. You can talk and drink until the early hours of the morning and then sleep in the same bed. BUT here is the catch: there is no sex. Sounds crazy does it not.
• A bonk buddy. This buddy is purely for lust purposes. A sort of hit and run type of relationship. You now have two people together that think that sex is fun and not a ritual or a chore. Sex is on demand like tap water. No emotions involved..
• A marry buddy. This is naturally your “soul mate” that you got married to. After 3 years communication has broken down. In bed you know exactly which hand is going where. You know the next step from hart. You may as well lie on your back and have an orgasm by yourself.
Now you have two choices. The first one is to make sure the three do not find out about the other. Secondly you have what I wish to call the 3-in-one oil option. You find all three buddies in one person. This is naturally a pipe dream!
Marriage is like starting your own business. The first three years is the most difficult. Thereafter it is only hell!
No. I did not fly over the Cuckoo’s nest.
I’m not married so it’s hard for me to comment. Any takers?