Morning, it’s monday, back to work, yeeehaaa. Here’s yesterday’s column. Hope you like.
A MILLION MILES FROM NORMAL – By Paige Nick
WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR SEX?
What lengths would you be willing to go to to get laid? You hear of guys who learn a new language, guys who get into fist fights and even guys who’ve gotten haircuts, all in the pursuit of sexy times. We’ve been known to go to incredible extremes just for a little bit of nookie.
A guy I know, who’s a bit of a couch potato, once pretended he was a regular jogger because the girl he was trying to woo was very into it. Their first date was a two kay sprint. It wasn’t pretty. Hell, I once flew to Durban for a date, so it’s not just the guys out there doing crazy things to get potentially crazy lucky.
I think it’s a good thing. It means that romance isn’t dead, just that it’s slightly altered from what it was in previous generations.
Another guy friend of mine was at a house party once, where he found himself chatting up a really pretty girl. He was in classic ‘Chat Up Stance’. The victim, or rather the object of his charms was standing coyly, leaning with her back up against a wall, and he was standing in front of her, leaning in, arm extended, hand pressed up against the wall, beside her.
He’d noted proudly to himself that he’d already made her laugh seven point three times. He’d complimented her six times, and had pretended to listen attentively to five of her stories. According to his calculations he was around eighty two percent of the way through his charm offensive, when something unexpected happened.
After making her laugh for the ninth consecutive time, my friend suavely and nonchalantly reached for his bottle of beer, and took a casual swig. Only realising then that he’d somehow picked up the wrong bottle, and had poured warm beer and a cigarette stompie directly into his mouth.
He had a split second to make a critical decision. He could a) spit the offending butt out into his hand in front of her. Or, he could b) man the eff up, swallow the butt with the mouthful of warm beer, keep his poker face on, carry on as if nothing had happened, and hope for the best.
Yes, that was a trick question. He never really had a choice. Surreptitiously swallowing the butt was the only option ever available to him. No chick in her right mind is ever going to kiss, let alone shag a guy who has an ashtray for a mouth, and whose party trick is to spit up cigarette butts. Sex with a hot chick is worth swallowing the odd cigarette butt for, any day of the week.
It seems that at some point or other, whether you’re a boy made of frogs and snails and puppy dogs tails, or a girl made of sugar and spice and all things nice, we’ve all gone to some kind of extreme in the name of sex, love, or companionship (call it what you will). Hey you may not have swallowed a butt, but if you’ve ever google-stalked someone, or poured hot wax onto a genital area and then ripped the hairs out one by one, then you too are guilty as charged.
Does sex make us do crazy things? Maybe, probably, definitely, usually.
I have a smile on my face, so stoked I had that date with you when you flew to Durban!!
What would women do?
Todosijevic, B., Ljubinkovic, S. and Arancic A. in ‘Mate Selection Criteria: A Trait Desirability Assessment Study of Sex Differences in Serbia’, Evolutionary Psychology, Vol. 1, 2003 say
It seems that alpha men are so scarce that women will settle for the next best thing. Think of a group of monkeys or chimpanzees versus a city of humans. While a country’s president will represent the alpha male for that country, that alpha male simply can’t mate with millions of women in his lifetime. Thus, women will choose alpha men in a more limited context.
In this regard, most women will likely choose a man that they can call their own rather than chase a Brad Pitt or Bill Clinton several hundred or thousand miles away. This limited context could be at work, at the street, or at a city block.
MOst of us get married for sex … Bad freaking trade!!!
peace
@David, that’s like swapping a house in Clifton, for a flat in Athlone, seriously bad freaking trade.
I’ve been a fool sitting by a phone one too many times for love … and/or sex. Whatever you want to call it.
Yeah that sitting by the phone thing is a bitch. I’m sure most of us have done it. I’m sure there’s a column in that somewhere. I’m going to get right on that. Thank you Mandy.