Sometimes you start out writing one thing, and end up writing something completely different. It’s just the way things work, taking sharp left turns is par for the course.
So here’s the genesis of yesterday’s Sunday Times Column.
I started out writing a post for this blog about a Russian woman who has the world’s strongest vagina and half way in I started to think that perhaps it might make a nice column for The Sunday Times on how competitive we all are.
So here’s the very original post i wrote, the one that got me started, and tomorrow I’ll post the actual Sunday Times column that came out of this, for those of you who haven’t seen it yet. And for those who did read the column in the paper, they did edit it a bit, so the column i’ll post tomorrow will have some new little bits in it. (ooh, i said ‘little bits’ no pun intended.)
THE WORLD’S STRONGEST VAGINA
I must be honest, personally I didn’t know that having a strong vagina was even a thing.
I mean I’ve heard of Kegel Exercises, an exercise women can do to keep themselves um er um… er… fit… down there… you know.
Thanks for that Dr Arnold Kegel, the women (and men of the world) applaud you.
But I didn’t know that we’d turned it into some kind of exercise/weight lifting competition. (Give humans anything and half a chance and we’ll turn it into a competition.)
Tatiana Kozhevnikova, a 42 year old chick from Russia, has recently set a new world record for lifting weights inside her vagina.
That’s her, lifting your car.
It seems that when it comes to her fanny, Tatiana is a bit of an over achiever. You see she already held the world record, but unsatisfied with the fact that she could lift 10 kilos with her vagina, she went on to shatter her record by lifting 14 kilos with her lady parts.
She told the media she’s been training her vaginal muscles for 15 years to reach this point.
To be completely honest I’m not entirely sure how i feel about this. It all seems kind of pointless to me.
I understand if she’d spent the last fifteen years trying to cure cancer, or feed the masses. But strengthening her vag? i don’t get it. So she can crack wallnuts in there, maybe?
Hey, I suppose it wouldn’t do if we were all the same.
Oh wait, this is hilarious, on how she got started doing this (cos you know you wanna know!) Tatiana says: ‘After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls,’ she said. ‘I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!’
Bwahahahahaha how to turn a potentially embarrassing trip to the emergency room into a life-long career.
In another article Tatiana kindly explains how she does it, ‘You insert one of the balls in your vagina, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook.’ etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, alright, I think I’ve painted enough of a picture.
Tatiana recommends vaginal exercises to all women who want to improve their sex lives. She says; ‘It’s enough to exercise your vagina five minutes a day, ladies, and in just one week you’ll be able to give yourself and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed,’ she says.