Morning Monday Morningers, here’s yesterday’s column. Hope you enjoy. It comes with all my love and a few desperate pleas for the year to end already.
A MILLION MILES FROM NORMAL – By Paige Nick
WHEN THE HONEYMOON’S OVER
Dudes, try stumbling in at three am, stinking of beer, looking for some action two years into your relationship and you’ll wake up hungover on the couch, with a crick in your neck. But do that in the beginning of the relationship and it’s considered cute and romantic. That’s because the rules of engagement are different during ‘The Honeymoon Phase’.
Honeymooning couples are easy to spot. Approach their table at a restaurant to say hi and you’ll see panic in their eyes. They’re terrified you might try join them. Whereas a ‘Post-honeymoon-couple’ will pull out a chair for you and then you’ll have to go back to their place for dessert and a game of monopoly after dinner.
In my experience honeymoon periods vary. I once had one that lasted four days and six hours, which was how long it took me to discover that the douchebag actually had a wife.
I asked a couple of girlfriends and we all agreed (certainly not the most scientific method in the world, but it works for us) that on average, the standard honeymoon period lasts anything from four to six months. Just long enough to wake up next to each other grumpy a couple of times and experience one of you with the flu. Let’s face it, once you’ve washed his jocks and met his family, it’s hard to stay completely dewy-eyed. Reality has to kick in at some point.
But there are a few upsides to making it out the other side of The Honeymoon Phase and into The Settling Into The Relationship Phase in one piece. For starters you can finally get some sleep, and you no longer walk like a cowboy all the time. You also don’t have to shave your legs as often and you get to actually spend time with other people, like friends and family. Because during the honeymoon phase, all time not spent at work or on the toilet, is spent together, or at least on the phone together.