The devil's dictionary – 'P' PART ONE

‘P’ is for Poes.

Well it is. I’m sorry, I know it’s crass, but that’s what ‘P’ is for. It’s also for ‘Poephol’, ‘Penis’, ‘Panties’ and ‘Paige’. See it’s a particularly dirty letter.

For the last year or so here at A Million Miles from Normal (The blog is now a year old by the way. Yay.) we’ve been tracking the disgustingly dirty musings of Ambrose Bierce. A writer from the 1800’s who wrote a book called The Devil’s Dictionary.

To check out the A O’s that we’ve already covered to date, just click through the letters highlighted in red, randomly around this post.

Hello P’s.

Pain, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

Palmistry, n. The 947th method of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists of ‘reading character’ in the wrinkles made by closing the hand.

Pantomime, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language.

Pardon, v. To remit a penalty and restore to a life of crime.

Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called The Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the future. These two grand division of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy.

Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.

Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

Phonograph, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.

Photograph, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Phrenology, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp.

Physician,n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill, and our dogs when well.

Piano, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Picture, n. A prepresentation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

Pie, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

Shoo, there are so many ‘P’s’ I think we’ll do them in two parts. Dirty little Phucker that ‘P’.

have a nice weekend, all.



2 responses to “The devil's dictionary – 'P' PART ONE”

  1. Wait…What about “Palin: A Conservative Republican psychopath bent on hunting down all the pretty ponies in the world??”
    Haha, couldn’t resist, And I love your blog btw

  2. Paige says:

    hey, Palin should definitely be in The Devil’s Dictionary – love it!

    glad you’re enjoying the blog, thanks so much. i’ve just been over to check out yours and it’s very cool. 🙂

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