morning, morning, morning. anyone else hungover, or is it just me? just me? screw you guys!
ok so i figure it’s time for more translations from the devil’s dictionary. but really, could you just read a little quieter please. thank you.
(if you have no idea what i’m banging on about, these translations are shamelessly copied from ‘The Devil’s Dictionary’, written by Ambrose Bierce, in 1871 – you can read more about it and see a snazzy picture of the moustache himself, over here: http://amillionmilesfromnormal.blogspot.com/2009/08/devils-dictionary.html)
me: so do you think i can say the word ‘cunt’ in my blog?
the critic: no way.
me: even if it’s in the context of those dictionary…
the critic: (cutting me off) absolutely not.
me: really?
the critic: really.
me: but…
the critic: seriously no. it’s not a good word.
me: i know, iknow, you’re right.
(find out more about ‘the critic’ here: http://amillionmilesfromnormal.blogspot.com/2009/07/critic-thinks-this-is-only-little-bit.html)
ok, let’s go. or in the spirit of the ‘c’s… clet’s cgo.
‘Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.
‘Cat’, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.’
‘Circus’, n. A place where horses ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.’
‘Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet – two clarionets.’
‘Commerce, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for comensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.’
‘Confidante, n. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided to him by C.’
‘Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.’
‘Connoisseur, n. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured upon his lips to revive him. “Pauillac, 1873,” he murmured and died.’
‘Consult, v.t. To seek another’s approval of a course already decided on. ‘
‘Curse, v.t. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick.’
and so concludes the ‘c-words’. thanks mr bierce. i heart you.