religious sex toys

An ode to the Internet:

Oh Internetweb you are so rad.
You’re full of shit that’s crazy and bad.
Where else on earth can a person find
all sorts of sex toys of the religious kind?

I stumbled across this somewhere online, it’s a crucifix dildo. Somebody is actually making these things. True story.

I suppose for many the orgasm can be a religious experience, so it was really only a matter of time.

Nobody stand too close to me, if this post doesn’t get me struck by lightning, then nothing will.

So then i actually went looking and i found this website, where they sell all sorts of… um… er… let’s just call them ‘religious sexual aids’.

(Look I’m not condoning, producing or flogging this stuff, am simply reporting on it. So don’t shoot the messenger, religious nuts. Seriously, I mean it, please don’t anybody shoot me.)

There’s the Buddha dildo:

According to the website it will: ‘bless all your transcendental moments.’ and ‘…help you reach a true state of nirvana.’

Next we have The Grim Reaper Dildo:

closely followed by The Devil Dildo:

This is made of silicone, so sadly it won’t be able to handle the heat of hell, so you won’t be able to take it with you when you go. But no worries, it should be able to manage the heat of your bedroom just fine.

Ah. The crucifix dildo. I must say, i’m not particularly religious, nor am i Christian, but that sort of, surprisingly, even offends me a little bit.

This on the other hand I find quite funny:

See, it’s a Diving Nun Dildo.
The description on the website says: ‘This pious lady comes complete with silicone wimple and rosary, her head gently bowed…’ bwaahahahahahhahaa!
And here’s the whole range, just waiting to damn you and your dirty mind (and other parts) straight to hell.

Oh wait, we left one of them out:

It’s the Mother Mary Butt Plug. Just $9.99 plus shipping and handling.
Sheesh. We’re all going straight to hell for this one.
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15 responses to “religious sex toys”

  1. OK, that’s just disturbingly weird!! Do you think people actually use them, or are they regarded as objet d’art?

    That devil looks mighty uncomfortable… although, maybe that’s the point?? Gives potentially whole new meaning to self-flagellation, doesn’t it?

  2. eish.. i’m not impressed. what kind of spineless character sommer does it Anonymously?


    I’m sad. But hey… it takes all types right? even assholes.

    I still luv ya Paige 🙂

  3. thanks wozzie.

    I deleted his hate speech comment from my blog, not wishing to have it here.

    He’s a well known nigerian scam artist who was recently outed, so he’s feeling bitter, hence the poisonous vitriol. he’s not welcome here.

    thanks for your love wozzie, it means the world and then some to me.

  4. I didn’t see the hate speech post, glad you deleted it. But let me warn you, hate speech scam artist: dont be trying to touch Paige on her blog.
    Kisses to you Paige.xxxxxx

  5. There’s a WHOLE website for Christian sex toys that I wrote about on my blog once. It’s like sex toys are good, but only if they’re Christian. WHAT?
    And it had the SAME kind of sex toys found at which makes NO sense. Like if you’re a Christian you can’t shop there….WHAT AGAIN.

    Anyway, this post was funny!!

  6. no way Jules, i’m going to head to your blog and try find your post. i find it fascinating. the thinking behind these toys seriously blows my mind.

    @dummy – that’s so funny. That’s definitely where that came from.

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