Here’s yesterday’s column. It’s got a couple of kinks in it. Hope you enjoy.
IRONING OUT THE KINKS
What do you consider kinky? And by kinky, me and the dictionary mean ‘full of kinks, closely twisted, unusual, or marked by unconventional sexual preferences or behaviour’ (or should that be badhaviour). Basically it refers to how wild you are in the sack, or on the kitchen floor, or even out in public for you slightly braver kinksters.
So where do you think you sit on the kinky scale? Say if one on the scale is on a bed in the missionary position with the lights off, and ten is you with twelve of your closest friends and a gimp mask on a waterslide at an orgy.
I started taking a ‘How Kinky Are You?’ test that I found on the internet, but when I got to questions like ‘You find vampire’s sexy’, and ‘The thought of drinking someone’s blood excites you’, I realised I may not have the found the right test, so I exited the site immediately and deleted my browser history, just in case.
Some find the simple naked foot incredibly kinky. Personally I couldn’t think of anything less kinky, especially after a day spent in a takkie. But hey I guess that’s the point of a fetish, it’s like knitting or scrapbooking, it’s not for everyone
Wearing leather is another popular kink, so is whipped cream and chocolate body paint. But like I said, it’s not for everyone. Especially if you’re on weight watchers, then chances are you don’t look so hot in head-to-toe, skin-tight leather, and you also don’t want to use up all your food points for the week in one night. You might also want to avoid the kinky food play if you have 600 count Egyptian cotton sheets. The juice from squashed strawberries is a bitch to wash out, so I’ve heard.
Truth is there’s a fine line between crazy and kinky, one that’s more often than not made out of latex.
Latex is good.