Here’s yesterday’s Sunday Times Column, in case you didn’t get a chance to see it.
GUY LOGIC VS GIRL LOGIC
Men and women are so incredibly different from one another it’s astonishing that we’re even considered the same species, let alone the fact that we’re supposed to live together in harmony. It’s not surprising the world’s divorce rate is so high; it’s a bit like putting a rhino and a kangaroo together in the same cage and expecting them to be the best of mates forever.
Our logic is diametrically opposed on just about every subject. Here’s an example of some Female Logic that your average male will be entirely unable to comprehend. Girls around the world believe that if they tie a jersey around their waist, then all that bulky fabric will hide their bum and make it actually appear smaller.
And let’s temper that with a bit of Guy Logic. According to the average South African male, beer is one of the four major food groups and is absolutely necessary to their survival. Chances are all the men who just read that are nodding their heads, while all the women are shaking theirs. Proof.
Ever seen a man buy potpourri? No, I didn’t think so. Ever sent a man flowers at work? No, me neither.
A recent survey in England unearthed this pearl – ‘90% of British men aged between 18 and 25 can go up to three days without changing their underpants.’ Only a man would ever even consider doing that, let alone admit to it in a survey. The Guy Logic behind this practice probably goes a little something like this: wear them one day, then turn them inside out for day two, and then turn them inside out again for day three, having given the outside bits time to air out during day two and therefore making them as good as washed.
As a woman, the thought of wearing the same pair of panties for more than one day running makes me want to burn my own eyeballs. A friend of mine recently went away for two weeks and took twenty one bras with her. Why she would even own, let alone need twenty one bras for fourteen days is beyond me, but it does help highlight my point.
Try inviting a group of women over, pour a few glasses of wine, plug in the X-box and see how long their attention spans last, especially if it’s a shooting or driving game. And conversely imagine a group of heterosexual guys having book club. It won’t work unless the boys at hand are seriously genetically modified, on a dare, or pretty drunk.
Now of course these are all massive and gross generalisations, and there are no doubt dozens of exceptions to every rule, but whether or not you agree with the examples given above, I still don’t think anyone would argue about how essentially different we are from one another.
Women, without them who would we have sex with and who would replace the empty toilet rolls? – Guy logic.
Men, without them who would change a flat? – Girl logic.
And we all lived together happily ever after.