google searches

i love google.

need a picture of a man wearing a gimp suit? there you go, my friend.

wanting to find another word for cataclysmic? voila.

desperate to watch two lesbians beat the crap out of a small japanese man? how small would you like that japanese man to be, sir?

there is no search too complicated or way out there for our friends at google.

and more recently they improved on their service, if that was ever even possible. they’ve added in a function which offers up suggestions. so you start typing in what you’re searching for and the googlemachine will try finish your sentence for you.

see, type in ‘Google is’ and it will offer up the following: have collected up some of these classic search suggestions and i thought i’d share them. cos it’s funny. and i like it. and why not? and just because, okay!
miss goatville i know a while back you posted something along a similar vein, so apologies for that. but this is too good not to share.

seriously, 103 000 results for ‘bears are godless killing machines’?

since every day so far this week has been a monday, i thought we’d see what google has to say about ‘work is…’

i couldn’t have said it better myself.

and then there are the questions that you should probably ask a trained professional, but sometimes it’s just too embarrassing to admit out loud to someone, and somehow it’s just easier to anonymously type it into dr google.

like say for example, your poop is green, or you’re having an existential crisis about the meaning of life and can’t afford the R450 an hour to see a shrink, simply tap away at that keyboard.

or if you’re a thirty seven year old virgin and there are certain things you’d like to know about girls, but you’re too shy to pop downstairs to the kitchen and ask your mom… google will always be there for you. unlike us, it will never judge your patheticness.

where do girls pee from? um… our armpits? where do you think, doofus.

where do girls shave? wahahahahahahaha

and i love ‘where do girls hang out’ it’s so hopeful, yet so desperate at the same time.

where do girls with one leg work? how is it possible that there are one point one million results for that!

aren’t you concerned that you ever thought you were actually a ‘golem’ to begin with?
here you go, just in case you, like me, didn’t have any idea what a ‘golem’ actually is, i did a google search. thank you google, see your uses are endless.

ok, what’s next, how about a ready made source of alibi? here we go:

classic. google will even help you break the law. what more can you ask for in a search engine?

dude, you can’t sleep because you’re sitting at your computer. turn it off and go to bed.
chick, you can just eat your waffle, it’s a free country, nobody is trying to stop you.
oke, you can’t get a job because you smell like farts, and you wear socks with slip slops.
see, maybe i could work for google.

hey, why don’t girls have adams apples? good question. i’m actually going to go and check that one out.
i googled it and:
A: When the larynx grows larger during puberty, it sticks out at the front of the throat. This is what’s called an Adam’s apple. Everyone’s larynx grows during puberty, but a girl’s larynx doesn’t grow as much as a boy’s does.

Dear Google,
thank you for being entertaining and informative!
love paige.

does that answer your question?
no, mine neither.

why are you typing dumb crap into google?

i would have asked ‘why would somebody want to know why their poop floats?’
or why would there be 421 000 results for ‘why does my eye twitch?”
and then of course last but by no means least, what are friends?

friends are like peeing your pants. my thoughts exactly.
ah google, unravelling the world, one dumb question at a time.

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