crazy-ass sex toys

hoooo boy.

i’ve said it before, and no doubt at some point i’ll say it again and again and again.

the world is full of freaks. and the internet even more so.

the other day i got to thinking, as one does, about sex toys. mainly because i noticed that they’ve started selling some pretty raunchy ones at my local clicks, which impressed me no end. and i started to wonder whether people are actually becoming somewhat desensitised to this kind of thing. I mean there’s absolutely no way that ten or even five years ago you would have found a sex toy on the shelf at your local clicks.

now don’t go getting twibby or anything, i’m not saying they’re selling butt plugs or nipple clamps, but they did have a lovely collection of spermicides, vibrating thingy-majigs and a wide range of speciality condoms.

nice one clicks. mother grundies be damned.

anyway so that’s what got me thinking about sex toys. (he he he that’s my story and i’m sticking to it.)

one doesn’t have to travel very far on the internet super highway to find some crazy-ass sex toys. here are a few:

looks like a sweet and cuddly teddy bear, right?

not so much…

see, it is actually a holder for your cute pink dildo. nice one.

okay that was a bit of a tame warm up, because i take it many of you have not yet had your morning coffee.

let the sex toy freak games begin.

this is called a ‘Dildo Tree’:

true story, not a word of a lie.

can’t say i’m entirely sure of it’s use. a threesome perhaps, although not sure what the point of a threesome is if you’re all pleasuring yourselves? i dunno, i can’t think about it anymore, it makes me feel dirty and it makes my head sore. also why are they all different heights? seems odd. unless you’re quite specific about who you invite, height-wise that is. curiouser and curiouser.

next is a sex toy i found online that i like to call – ‘the rhino horn’

i think the less we say about it the better.

next up…. ‘the truncheon’:

but… what? where is the? how do you…? i mean, is there…? when do…? who’s going to…? ummmm….

next!

alright, before i read the blurb online for this one i had absolutely no idea what it was. i kept turning my head to see if maybe the pic was upside down:

okay, the descriptor says that it’s a refashioned mouth. oh okay, now i get it, that brown furry thing is supposed to represent a moustache. ahhhhhh i geddit. how weird is that, man? and creepy, yuck…. it kind of reminds me of this guy a little bit:

i suppose aptly named in this situation – the blowfish. bwahahahahahahahahahhaaha *breathe* bwahahahahahahahahahahah!

alright, so far lots of penis stuff, here’s a weirdo vagina toy. look, it’s a plastic foot, with a vagina in the sole.

isn’t that what you always wanted?
biiiiiizarre!
hahahaha this next one cracked me up big time:


it’s called a ‘dongball‘! bwaaahahahahahahaha.
it’s fashioned on a pilates ball with a giant dildo built in. is it for exercising and getting sexy sexy at the same time? Those gym bunnies can be freaks. it makes me laugh mainly because it’s got one giant ball. he should see a doctor about that. i’m sure a little cream and a quick course of penicillin will sort that out one time.
and finally what bedside drawer would be complete with one of these things:


huh?
is that weird or what? why would you want someone to do that, like that? and why would someone want to do it, like that?
all i can say is it’s a strange, strange world out there.


12 responses to “crazy-ass sex toys”

  1. abraxas says:

    Lots of freaks and wieros online indeed.
    I think i just found one … here :p

    Craziest i ever tried, urethral sounds 😉

    peace

  2. Paige says:

    urethral sounds?

    by the power of greyskull, what’s that?

  3. abraxas says:

    here’s what wiki says:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urethral_sounding
    A more relevant article here:
    http://wiki.bmezine.com/index.php/Sound
    *blush*
    you want that … trust me …

    *giggle* at greyskull, watched some He-Man AND She-Ra last week :p

  4. Paige says:

    okay i’m going to look now, but i must say, i’m a little scared.

    re: by the power of greyskull, i think i saw some other blogger saying it, was more than likely wendy over at: http://www.middlegoat.blogspot.com/
    she is genius funny and i’m sure i nicked it from her.

  5. Paige says:

    hmmmmm very interesting. as my friend carl used to say ‘every day is a school day’ – have never heard of that before, abraxas.

  6. boytjie says:

    blowfish. haha. classic! some of these are plain disturbing. others look quite applicable!

  7. Paige says:

    hey boytjie, i’m digging your blog.

    ‘fundies’ wahahahahaha

  8. Promise we don’t sell this kind of item at my shop(Whet Sensuality Emporium in Long Street) How about doing a blog post on some super luxurious, high-tech pleasure objects 🙂
    Marina

  9. Paige says:

    Hey Marina, that’s a brilliant idea! will email you about it.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Well, I’m guessing ‘the truncheon’ is for lesbians… Obviously…

  11. Free Cialis says:

    A friend of mine recommended this blog to me, but he told me it was about comics. I started thinking he is gay and not bisexual, and his aim since the begginning was to show me the dildo his brother ask for his b-day.

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