some time last week i offered to write a hello to emma and sylvie hurford and peatree in semen and then photograph it with a blacklight. and i was really going to do it, really i was. as soon as i found a willing donor. but then when it came down to the technicalities of it i realised it was a logistical nightmare. i mean do you have any idea how much semen you would need to write the word hello? quite a lot actually.
so when genius blogging friend middlegoat sent me this, i realised there is a whole world full of people out there who consider using semen in crazy ways.
phew, nobody likes to be the only freak on the bus.
look at this, some dodgy motherfucker has come up with a book full of semen-based recipes:
this is for reals, and serius. would i lie to you?
apologies if i just put you off creme brulee for like ever. but i’m a victim here too, i also had to witness this.
here are a couple of spreads from the recipe book to horrify you further:
that is the index for the ‘sauces’ section. transcribed it says, and i quote here for accuracy: ‘semen can make any sauce more exciting. The sauces should be of the ‘full fat’ variety so don’t even think about calories when making these sauces.’
trust me dude, if i was INSANE and i made any of these sauces, FULL OF SEMEN – calories would be the absolute last thing i’d be thinking about, you have my word!
i’m not sure what’s more horrifying, the fact that there’s a ‘pungent aioli’ sauce made out of semen on page 41, or the fact that there are more than 41 pages worth of semen recipes in this book.
i know chefs always bash on about the importance of fresh ingredients, but this is fricken ridiculous.
so what’s next, ah how about a semen smoothie, anyone?
‘a good dessert is the climax of any meal.’ – it wasn’t me this time, they punned that one all on their own.
oh look, ‘Tiramisu Surprise’. Darling, if i’ve asked you once, i’ve asked you a million times, please warn me!
look, surprise surprise, they have a website. http://www.cookingwithcum.com/ – like i said, you couldn’t make this shit up!
Paige. Where do you find this stuff girl?
I remember reading about that sometime last year and also didn’t believe it until I saw it as a published book for sale.
Gruesome doesn’t even begin to explain it.
I’m sure this must have been one of those “Drunken Argument” moments.
Loved the puns though 🙂
OMG that’s disgusting! I can’t believe that people would willingly drink semen smoothies.. haha its ridiculous. I laugh because the recipe book looks so professional :). X
eish, i don’t know wozz, sometimes it just finds me.
deems about those puns, i can never decide if i love them or hate them.
🙂
Jeez…I’ll pass.
sis.
the lovely and clever chryssa sent me this: http://www.iowastatedaily.com/articles/1995/07/20/import/19950720-archive23.txt
who knew there were so many different uses for sperm?
Are you still looking for donors? ;o)
wahahahahaha ‘Luvs2spooge’ that’s hysterical. funnily enough you’re the second guy to offer today (would be kinda wierd if a girl offered) – i might just be able to make that smoothie after all.
wahahahahhahahhahahaha
Wahahaha…
Human nature never ceases to amaze me…What else is there?
It beats the foot crème for Christmas present though…
words. fail. me…
Completely and utterly lost for words!
off creme brulee, for like, ever.
Uch I am green now – and as a Lesbian even more erm put off… eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew
Never heard of such a thing. Thank for enlightening me.