A guy's take on a guy thing

So there were some grumpy mails/males in response to sunday’s column, about the way guys communicate with each other, so since this seems to be a week for clever responses (what with the whole Santam-Nandos-Santam thing), I thought I’d let a boy-person have a crack at a response.

Please meet Roger.

Roger was once into journalism and PR and now he’s into ‘everything kitchen’. And he writes a good funny too, as you’ll soon see.

There are some lovely jabs, and a couple of aha’s and one grrr for me, but all in all a good touche I thought.

Heeeeere’s Roger:

A retorting Grunt – by Roger Westbrook

Guy talk may seem vastly different from girl talk and as long as we overhear one another across the gender divide, we may never actually understand one another. That is not to say, however, that a guy’s “grunt” is inferior to a woman’s obscurity and cryptic conversing.

The term “grunt” in itself is a little demeaning but for fear of seeming over-sensitive I will accept and embrace. In fact, being able to understand the offer of a cheeseburger and beer through a mere grunt will be taken as a compliment. The affirmative responding grunt is even more impressive because offering a girl the very same meal – in perfect English – will be met by several minutes of uncertainty, menu variations and calorie calculations. Its here that the dog whistle reference is perfect because it’s a well-known fact that a woman’s indecisiveness cannot be heard by the human male ear. Only women can hear it. Not that I am comparing women to dogs – well, not completely.

The truth is that we are not wired that differently after all. A woman will buy a new pair of shoes and immediately plan an event to which she can sport them. Up to, including and after the event itself she will talk about them, tweet about them and post an Instagram of them on more social media platforms than Zuckerberg could imagine. By the same token, a man purchasing a chainsaw will indeed talk about it in great detail and when done in his own garden travel to both friend and family to cut down anything that needs cutting down. In fact, he will see to it that the money on the chainsaw is so well spent that he will subsequently cut down that which needs no cutting at all. The only difference I can possibly think of is that the chainsaw will not be tossed in the back of the cupboard with 102 other chainsaws.

It may surprise you, but a woman’s brain is very similar to a man’s in that it is also made up of complex gears, pulley’s and levers. The difference is that a man’s are not attached to a separate volatile sub-station of emotions. Ours are simply attached to the need to eat, sleep and understand chainsaws. I believe it may have once been attached to the ability of understanding women, but through evolution, along with the appendix and wisdom teeth, it fell vestigial. As for those storage files and containers, it is no secret that they are packed in your pretty little heads as well. However, they only manage to store up all the mistakes men make, and come argument time they are accessed faster than a guy can grunt.

The girl-on-girl thing is not really a fascination at all. This is simply our appreciation of something beautiful. We find women beautiful and what could possibly be more beautiful than not one, but two of them? We wouldn’t expect you to get excited about two guys getting it on. Generally, us chainsaw wielding men frown upon it, so we can’t blame you. And wait, I am not done… we do indeed get excited about finding a great hairdresser; especially if she has great boobs. As I said, we have appreciation for all things beautiful.

And for the record, ladies, even when you think that for once you do understand us, think again. If we happen to mention, for example, that we are fed up with Angry Birds, we just may not be talking about our iPhone app.

Any thoughts?

I love the bit about evolution. Funneeee.

And I take back the bit about comparing men to dogs from my piece, it was a low blow.

You can follow Roger on twitter over here, or for more of his brand of funny, check out his blog over here.

2 responses to “A guy's take on a guy thing”

  1. Ooohhh… Chainsaws out, huh?

    Though I don’t appreciate the bit about the storage containers. Men somehow always whine about the mistakes we remember and remind them of, but never appreciate the minute details of unimportant-but-makes-us-happy things we remember and reward them for.

    Guess that’s where the substation comes in handy.

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