A gift from the Gods of Spam.

Here’s a little secret. Sometimes I actually like spam. As long as it is riddled with errors, full of weirdness and makes me laugh out loud. Like this piece of oddity I received, unsolicited:
simply click to enlarge
Let’s take a closer look at some of the wonders of this mail:
1. Let’s start with the greeting:
‘Dear Sir…’
I mean you do have a 50% chance of getting it right, but still. What am I to assume from this greeting? That you don’t believe women have the need for Christmas toys?
Or perhaps that women don’t like fluffy doggies?
Oh I get it, what on earth is a woman doing on email? She should be in the kitchen making shark-fin soup. How foolish of me, I shall log off the internet-machine immediately and return to sweeping the kitchen or having a baby.
Let’s move on shall we. (I was joking when I said I was going to log off.)
click to enlarge.

2: ‘Greetings for the day & Enjoy your good health.

Not all that much wrong with that. At least it’s polite, however it does have me a little confused. Are you enjoying my good health, or do you want me to? Please let me know, I’m currently unsure whether I should be enjoying my good health or if that’s your job.

Point 3. Can ‘Christmas hats’ really be considered toys? I’m just saying.

And last but not least,
4. Your name is ‘Jack Dong’?
Do you moonlight as a male porn star?
Is your middle name ‘Ding’?
And the most pressing of questions? Are you really trying to sell me Christmas Toys, or is this a cover for some Taiwanese underground mafia thing, and if I respond I’ll instantly find myself chained to a sewing machine in a sweatshop in somewhere called Padang, sewing white fluffy bunny tails onto the top of Christmas hats?
Yeah, maybe I won’t respond.
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4 responses to “A gift from the Gods of Spam.”

  1. Man, I never get funny spam like this – all I get is penis enlargement ones and I always wonder if there is no one doing any basic research i.e. am I a man?

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